- Stop asking for photos. Seriously, it’s annoying and pervy for a woman to be bothered like that. She’s not an on-call model for you. She has a job, and even if she doesn’t, it’s not her job to hop to and become a model, whenever you feel like you want a photo of her. She may even play along and send when you request them, but that’s just to please you, and it doesn’t mean she likes it.
- Let her initiate selfies. If the woman enjoys sending selfies and wants to do that, that’s different; affirm her efforts and tell her how gorgeous/stylish/fit she is and compliment her appearance in a genuine manner. Let her come to you with the selfies. Remember, the key is wanting her to feel relaxed and comfortable around you. Not objectified and stressed by 11am requests for photos, between Zoom calls. If she enjoys sending them, praise her. But don’t burden her or turn her off with this common unforced error.
- Don’t be a horndog. Asking for selfies is horndog, pervy vibes. Act like you’ve been laid before. Get to know her and quit focusing on the goal of having sex and thinking you can skip to that without having any sort of curiosity about her inner world (thoughts, feelings, wants, wishes, goals, desires, interests, etc.).
- Let the sexual aspect of the relationship to unfold naturally. When she’s comfortable and ready for that, it’ll happen. Don’t perv out on her or try to attack her. It’ll give her the ick and lower your status in her mind. Instead, let it build and use masturbation as a tool to manage yourself if you tend to be a horndog. You need to get to know the woman for the woman to want to spend time with you and feel safe with you. This will get you the sexual outcome you want, much more than attacking her, because she will feel cherished and safe. Again, act like you’ve been there!
- Compliment her – don’t objectify her. Compliment her appearance. This is totally different than objectifying her. Every woman loves to hear that she’s beautiful or gorgeous, or that that dress looks amazing on her. Or that her perfume smells mesmerizing and that you’ve been thinking of her all day and looking forward to this (date). This is very different from objectifying her, which is treating her like a piece of meat (“send me selfies!”) or attacking her physically (tongue down the throat at the stop light when she’s just enjoying the drive in your car on the way to dinner, and isn’t at all giving off the I want to make out vibe). Read the room and if you struggle with that, book a discovery call with me, and we can work it through. Typically, you’re the guy that’s been told several times that he’s a horndog. That’s nothing to take pride in. It’s a major area in which you can improve and elevate your game.
